Can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Professor Lupin’s name backwards sounds suspiciously like ‘nipple’?

Guys I just really love Titanic.

My baby is coming to New York on 12 days!

I had such a wonderful birthday weekend, and bought a lot of wonderful things! Thank you everyone who shared it with me!

The Land Before Time OST is the best soundtrack of all time. No contest.
Just put on my fake gyaru nails…

I hope its just because I’m not used to them because it’s hard to do anything in them… =/

I just wanted to say…to all of my followers, thank you for being so supportive. :)

For real! Thank you so much for supporting me and sending me inspirational and positive asks that helped me go this far with my weight loss. I never thought I would come this far, and I don’t know that I could have done it without you guys. Thank you so much for everything. :)

My life is one big BACK FIRE.

How so?

Every single descision I’ve ever made reguarding my social live, friends, etc. It always seems to backfire on me. I regret almost everything in my life. And I know, people tell me all the time I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do okay? And I can’t help it.

I lost almost every single friend I’ve ever had in my life because I tried so hard not to hurt them, and I tried so hard not to get in their way. But they believed lies, they chose something over me, they just…grew out of me. But that’s the sad truth. I’m not calling them bad people at all. They’re not…but people seem to…grow out of me. And then I sit there wondering what I did wrong like an abandoned puppy. Pathetic.

I don’t have feelings for the people who end up liking me. And turns into somehow I’m the terrible person for not liking them back. I’m sorry, I really am. But…I’m not lonely because I don’t have anyone or didn’t choose you. I’m lonely because no one cares. Because no one needs me. Because you all grow out of me. Because I don’t mean anything to you guys. I’m sorry that I didn’t have feelings for you. But why am I treated badly because of that? That’s not fair. I do really care about you. You’re one of the only friends I have and one of the closest ones. So then why did you write those things about me?

You completely treated me like SHIT for years. And suddenly you’re the victim and I’m the bitch. I’m not completely playing victim, and I’m not calling myself perfect. But you hurt me so much for so long. At one point we only had each other and then you mvoed on to be friends with the people who now hate me, or believed that Steven Mclaine wasn’t real. THAT HURT ME. And if I tried to tell you how I felt? I always ended up apologizing because you made it seem like I didn’t have a right to feel that way and you belittled me. I loved you very much. And you grew out of me too. It’s natural and I don’t blame you.

You changed. You are not the same person I met in 10th grade and it kills me. You grew out of me as well.

You both dropped me because she was a bitch and you couldn’t take her anymore, or my whining. Then you started to be friends with her again. You all grew out of me and if I tried to fix it it wouldn’t have mattered.

You followed what they did. So I have nothing to say to you.



I suppose this post really makes me sound like a horrible person. But I just needed to write this. It’s 4 AM and I’m so tired, but I just can’t sleep. I am sick and tired. My body hurts, my heart hurts…everything…hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so afraid, I’m so tired, I’m so sad. I’m broken. And here I am typing this up in tears praying no one will see this and be upset with me. If I died tomorrow, you would get over it quick. People grow out of me. And I understand that. But just know, even those of you I am no longer friends with: Lindsay, Nicole, Malvina, Tania…I loved you guys so much. And I still do. And I hope you still think of me, as I still think of you guys. You all taught me how to live and grow up. But now I think maybe it’s time for me to leave…or move on. And to my dear friends I still managed to keep: Kai, Rikku, Gina, Brandon, Robert. I love you guys more than you could imagine. You’re my world. I’m so sorry about this post. Forgive me. =/


Knowing you can see a difference when you try to accomplish something is one of the best feelings in the world.
A poem I wrote for a friend having problems.

She seriously means the world to me. And just now, she called me, feeling hopeless and alone. I don’t know what to do and I am so worried. She hung up about 15 minutes ago. And I really wish I could just drive out and see her. But it’ll take to long. I really do care about her, I love her so much. And so maybe tomorrow, if she decides to look through my tumblr, I hope she’ll see this. Because I feel like crying, worried so much for her. She deserves everything. She’s so sweet, so kind, and so gentle. She goes out of her way for others. She deserves the world, she really does. And this one is for her.

I want to tell you that it’ll be alright,
And I want to tell you everything I love about you.
But I am afraid now, that you cannot see,
Just how important you are to this world, and are to me.

I know it seems as though this world is out to get us,
But together, we can take it on with our heads held high.
And even though you may feel alone, lost, and sad,
I want you to know that you have me, and I am so proud, so glad.

I am glad to have met you.
I am so proud of you.
You are so strong,
So beautiful,
And so much more to me than you could ever imagine.

I want to tell you that it’ll be alright,
And I want to tell you everything I love about you.
But I am afraid now, that it will take far too long,
Because there are so many things you see, that I love about you.

So please, next time you feel hopeless, and out of place,
Just know that I’m right under that big beautiful sky with you.
And maybe, then, you will realize, you fit right in place.

…And I love you.

That’s my sleepy doggy in his Halloween costume! He was a bumblebee!
Reblog if you wish Morgan Freeman could narrate your life.
Is it because I’m different?

I come from a very small and conservative town. There were points when I was popular and had many friends of course. Always popular among my group of friends except during the times when we would all go our separate ways due to arguments etc. But even being popular among my many groups of friends, I was ALWAYS the odd girl out. The unique one…and the only girl into Japanese fashion, music, anime, and the culture in general. The only one. And even now, when I love my friends dearly, and they make me feel so loved and special, even then, I still sometimes feel lonely. I feel this way because I don’t know anyone with the same interests as me. I really just wish I had even ONE friend who would want to dress in cutesy Japanese fashion outfits, listen to jrock bands, or learn silly and cutesy dances or para para’s and make silly videos. There were even points in my life where I thought my interests bothered my friends. I could tell when I started talking about An Cafe or LM.C or Japanese fashion, that my friends were getting so tired of hearing it…or so bored. They didn’t really care. And of course I understand! I mean, if you’re not interested in something why WOULD you care? Most of us hate math…therefore we don’t really study or pay attention. Or at least I didn’t LOL. :) I don’t like being the only one into these things. But I watch girls posting youtube videos dressed in Japanese fashion and making cute dance videos, or going to jrock concerts together, or going to conventions. And I don’t have a single friend who is a girl ot share that with. And of course my friends offer to do those things with me. And I am so thankful for that! I love them for that! But, I want them to do those things because they really like them and are really into the culture etc. not because they feel obligated to. Of course it’s nice that they offer. But I never want anyone to feel forced into doing something even if they don’t mind. I wish that some day soon, I can meet a person who is just like me, to share all of that silly otaku-ness with. Because honestly…it makes me feel so lonely. And I don’t want to be lonely anymore. Sorry this post became so sad and annoying and boring! But I just had to get it out!

Uploading my first dance video shortly! (It’s not very good! LOL!)